Waking up, I glance over at my green alarm clock, and see its 7:56. I am late for my dance class. Rushing out the door I forgot my ballet shoes! Luckily my mom had it and was in the car, she went passed the Shell gas station, likely her rapid gas tank was empty. There were Speed Boats cruising to her high school of dancing ,sadly she was too late for the Speed Boats, they disappeared, so she only had one choice because this is her big opportunity and she would not lose it, I went swimming and she swam all the way to the high school of dancing. Unfortunately, I am late and on top of that my dancing costume was very wet and sandy.
Thursday 25 February 2016
100WCWeek#8
Waking up, I glance over at my green alarm clock, and see its 7:56. I am late for my dance class. Rushing out the door I forgot my ballet shoes! Luckily my mom had it and was in the car, she went passed the Shell gas station, likely her rapid gas tank was empty. There were Speed Boats cruising to her high school of dancing ,sadly she was too late for the Speed Boats, they disappeared, so she only had one choice because this is her big opportunity and she would not lose it, I went swimming and she swam all the way to the high school of dancing. Unfortunately, I am late and on top of that my dancing costume was very wet and sandy.
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I got confused in the beginning and you could lose the high lite
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. I'm trying to get rid of the highlight but nothing is working.
DeleteParts of your story are confusing. For example how to the speed boats fit into your story as I thought you were in a car. Be sure to read your story out loud to others as it will help clear up parts of your story. Make sure each part of your story has a purpose and fits the flow.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't really read the last 2 or 3 words in your story cause of the highlight. But, I didn't see the word "dancer" in your story, it might be in the highlight, but if not then you should add it.
ReplyDelete