The Circus
Excitement rushed through my body as I approached the circus tent. The door opened and there it was, a seat right in the front.I was decisive to get that good seat and to my surprise I did. The show started! Acrobats starting doing one thing on one side of the stage, magicians on the other. People start to whistle and cheer, until a creepy looking clown appeared, everything went dead silent. He looked foolish, big deep wrinkles around his pale eyes, mouth, and checks, a petrifying bright red painted smile, clothes tattered and a dull frizzy wig. The MC kicked him off stage and finished the show. After that, I went backstage saw and heard the creepy looking clown laughing, his evil clown laugh. Ever since then I've been terrified of clowns.
Your story was pretty good. I liked ho you used some powerful words in you story, and I like how you described the clown. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI think you need a comma after surprise, and I think your should change 'clothes tattered' to 'tattered clothes' to help with the flow. Also, I don't think you need a comma after laughing. Great story this week, it's really different than everyone else's.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers to improve your writing. I love your first line that sets the scene for your story without you were going to the circus. Well done. You have lots of descriptive words but make sure there is a balance between descriptive words and the point of telling your story. Try to have a message or a big idea in your story. Keep writing.
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