It's Saturday, that meant that granny and grandpa are coming and that means that I am sleeping in the backyard! I can't sleep with them! I put up the tent, put some orange slices in a bowl, got some pizza and wore my pyjamas! All I heard was silence, not a sound to be heard. Suddenly, I heard thunder!
At least my tent is very strong! I think to myself.
I went out with pizza in my mouth and saw that the garden was flooded, so I swam in the puddles! I would do anything to stay out of the house, their eating Brussels-stew! But suddenly...
When You put an ! after your thought it was a bit confusing and the "But suddenly" doesnt fit in.
ReplyDeleteGood story, but I got a bit confused in the story. And when you say that "that meant granny and grandpa are coming and..." I think you could have a comma after "coming." And where is your title? Also you should put your prompt words in bold letters, or colour letters. When you say "At least my tent is very strong!" I don't think you need a explanation mark after that sentence, and if your thinking that, then you should have quotation marks.
ReplyDeleteYour story was good but very repeatative! You repeat I heard, and. You could use more descriptive language. Your ending twist didn't think make sense. You should also have a title. Your story was also very funny!
ReplyDelete