Thursday 12 May 2016
100WC Week # 17
There are folktales that the stairway to heaven smells of roses , made of marshmallows, and at the top is something words can’t describe. But, everyone who has gone hasn’t come back. My mom got to the stairs when I was 3. I’ve finally made it to the stairs. With each step my heart beats faster. The stairs are covered in roses and angelic music is growing louder. One more step to go! I’ve made it to the top. I’m standing on clouds and the air smells of a summer breeze. I’m here, with my mom, and I couldn’t be happier.
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Your story was really good! And I really liked the ending. But, in some of the places where you put a comma or period, I think you accidentally put double spaces. And when you say "The stairs are covered in roses and angelic music..." I think you should put a comma after "roses" so that it would be like "The stairs are covered in roses, (comma) and angelic music." But, also it doesn't make sense, because you say that it's covered in angelic music.
ReplyDeleteCreative story! Your first sentence doesn't make sense, "the stairway to heaven smells of roses" You mean smells like roses. you say "The staircase covered in roses and angelic music, that doesn't make sense. You should say" angelic music was growing louder and the roses were every where"
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