Cupcake Climbers
Climbing up the huge cupcake wrapper seemes impossible, but it’s worth $100,000. Grabbing onto the wrapper, my hands slip and I fall and in my next attempt to grab the next piece of the wrapper. I have to start all over again. This time, I focus and do it! With aggression in my grip I get up really fast. Using a small fork and I cut off 1m off a cinnamon stick. Surprisingly it was really easy. Rushing, I sit on the piece of cinnamon and fly down the cupcake. I reach the bottom first and won the $100,000!
I like that you used a powerful word like "aggression" in your story and that you have different sentence starters. But your story could've been more interesting.
ReplyDeleteYour story is really good, but you have some grammar errors. You have a few mistakes with double spacing. When you say "Grabbing onto the wrapper my hands slip and I fall and in my next attempt to grab the next piece of the wrapper." is almost like a run on sentence, you could put a comma after you say "Grabbing onto the wrapper, my hands slip..."
ReplyDeleteYou have really good sentence lengths, and unique sentence starters!
I think it was a little bit confusing through out the story. I wasn't really sure why he had to restart.
ReplyDelete