The Forgotten.
Seeing the pouring rain I think to myself," I should've brought my red umbrella. Everywhere I would take a step I would see puddles with leaves and twigs floated in them, trying not to splash in the puddles I kept trudging forward. At the end it was very hard but I made it through and treated myself with some delicious fries and drink. But then I realized that I forgot....I forgot my backpack! Stunned and shocked I just went down miserably, going through the torture all again.
Seeing the pouring rain I think to myself," I should've brought my red umbrella. Everywhere I would take a step I would see puddles with leaves and twigs floated in them, trying not to splash in the puddles I kept trudging forward. At the end it was very hard but I made it through and treated myself with some delicious fries and drink. But then I realized that I forgot....I forgot my backpack! Stunned and shocked I just went down miserably, going through the torture all again.
I like the twist ending and I didnt really see anything wrong with your stry.
ReplyDeleteYour story is very good, but you just have a small mistakes. You need another quotation mark after umbrella. The ending does not really make sense, where are you? Why was it bad/torture?
ReplyDeleteI like your story, but maybe you should work on making it more interesting. But I liked how you used powerful words like ``trudging.``
ReplyDelete